The Handkerchief
by renski
Summary: Life is a matter of perspective, it's either you complain because roses have thorns or you rejoice that thorns have roses...it all depends on how you look at it...
1. The Handkerchief

**The Handkerchief**

_There she was. I wonder why she's alone today. She's usually with her raven-haired friend, though she seemed to be waiting for someone, maybe her friend._

_Then I noticed a gray-haired, pale-skinned tall man approaching her. She waved at him. I wonder who he might be. _

_I don't want to watch them, it would be rude. But I couldn't help myself. This was the first time that I'd seen her with a man except for her brother. So I watched from the corner of my eye as I absentmindedly plucked my guitar._

_The man sat on the swing but she remained standing while she toy the corners of her bag. I couldn't hear what they're talking about from where I usually sat, not that I care but I'm curious. I could only see her face turned scarlet red as she blurted out something to the man now swinging. The man seemed to be surprise to whatever she had just said and suddenly stop and almost fell off from the swing._

_The man stood up and looked around as if searching for an escape route. He glanced at my direction for a brief moment and feeling awkward for a minute but decided that I was minding my own business and far from ear-shot to hear what they're talking about, which is true, well at least the latter._

_The man's face turned from startled to fondness to apologetic, then said something to her as if explaining. They stood there in silence for a long moment that I became impatient myself. Then, the man seemed to tell her that they should go home, well at least that what seemed to me. But she shook her head and told him to go on ahead. It seemed that she wanted to stay for a while there. The man hesitantly agreed but took off after looking at her for a long time._

_I continued watching her from the corner of my eye as she stood there motionless for what seemed like an eternity. And when it looked like that her feet became numb, she slowly sat at the swing the gray-haired man had occupied._

_I would have ignored her just like the other times that I watched her with her raven-haired friend if only she had not placed her face in her hands and her shoulders started shaking. That's when I realized that she's crying. I was surprised to my reaction to the scene, my heartbeat quickened and I suddenly felt the strong desire to put my arms around her shoulders to comfort her to whatever that caused those tears that streaked down her reddened cheeks._

_I looked around and realized that the place was almost deserted. There were only few kids that were playing; the others were starting to leave. No wonder about that, it's almost twilight._

_I waited there, still watching her. I should be going home now. My parents would be wondering where I'd been and that would surely start another round of arguments. But I stayed, until the place was devoured by sudden darkness. For a few seconds she disappeared from my sight that I was worried that she too was swallowed by the dark. I laughed at myself for the stupidity of the thought._

_Then the streetlamps lit up and revealed her. I felt relief washed over me as if I truly believed my worry. I silently laughed again at my own silliness._

_I watched her undecided on whether I should leave her alone and go home already or approached her and asked if she's alright. I debated with myself for a few minutes and the latter argument won._

_I put down my guitar on its case, smoothed my clothes and pulled out my unused handkerchief from the back pocket of my faded jeans. I hesitated for a second and thought if I was intruding her privacy. I looked at her again. She looked so helpless with her shoulders hunched. So I gathered my resolve, took a deep breath and walked towards her._

_When I reached her spot, I stare at her for a moment. She didn't seem to notice my approach. This was the first time that I got this close to her after the many times that I spied on her with her friend. I only observed her from my usual spot at the park. She has short auburn hair with locks that framed her heart-shaped face. So common yet so unique. I smiled to myself with the thought._

_I opened my mouth to tell her that I was there but I can't seem to find the right words to start. I took a deep breath and I tried again._

"Um . . ."_ That made her jumped and stared at me without saying a single word of acknowledgment and then frowned. She cocked her head to the side as if inspecting me and that made me conscious. I tried again._

"I was . . . just . . . um . . ."_ Dang .Why in the world am I loss of words?_

"Here." _I said instead as I shoved my hanky to her while I scratched the back of my head and looking to the darkness of the forest by the park._

_She stared at the handkerchief for the longest time. _"Don't worry, it's clean. I haven't used it." _I explained when she didn't take it. _

_She idly took the hanky and mumbled a "thanks", while still staring at me and I can't stand it anymore that my face flushed._

"Hey, stop that. Didn't you know that it's rude to stare?" _I grumbled._

"Sorry." _She said as she wiped the tears that wet her cheeks. She seemed to be still not herself. So I waited for her to realize that a stranger had just offered her a handkerchief to wipe her tears of despair. But a long moment had passed and she just fidgeted with my hanky and I just stood there watching her. And then I can't take it no more._

"Um . . . Are you alright now?" _I said quietly after a long moment of silence._

"What?" _She seemed surprise of my presence in front of her as if she forgotten that I was there. Man, she's really out of her wits._

"I said, are you alright now? _Í repeated patiently._

"Oh! Yes, I think so." _She frowned at the hanky she was holding probably wondering how she got that._

_I chuckled at her being out of herself. It was rude but I can't help myself. _"Good then. I think you should go home now. It's already dark and it's not safe to stay here anymore at this time. And I should be going home too." _I suggested after reprimanding myself._

"Oh!"_ She looked around and realized that I was right. The park was now completely deserted, only the two of us were there. Then she suddenly bolted upright._ "They must be looking for me now." _She murmured to herself. She started walking out of the park but abruptly stop when she realized something. _"Your hanky, but it's . . ." _She couldn't decide what to do with it, whether to return it or not._

"It's alright. You can keep it. I've plenty of that." _I said with a smile._

"Oh, ok. Thanks." _She turned to go now. I was having second thoughts if I should let her go home on her own with her current state of mind but decided to let it go already. There were still many people in the streets, so I think she's going to be fine. With that, I watched her go._

_Once she's out of sight, I returned to my spot to get my things while shaking my head. I can't help but smile because of the bizarreness of what just happened. Then I had a glimpse of my phone and saw the time. Dang! I'm dead! It's really late now. I hurriedly gather my things and literally run to the bus stop. But when I turned on the corner I saw her walking slowly, still clutching my hanky, completely unaware of her surroundings._

_I argued internally whether I should walked at her pace so I could be sure that she would reached her destination safely or walked past her. I had this intense urge to make sure she's out of harm's way. But I was already in trouble myself and there's a high possibility that she would not notice me passing. After a long moment of deliberating on what I should do, I sighed and walked beside her. She didn't notice me until I spoke. That's to be expected._

"You're slow." _I said, a little louder than necessary. She jumped with surprise. That was impolite, I realized so I apologized._

"That's alright. I was just surprise. Um . . . I thought you're going home."

"I am. Are you also on your way to the bus stop?"

_She looked ahead of us before answering my inquiry. _"Yeah."

"Well, then, let's walk together." _I decided._

"But you said I'm slow. And I think you're in hurry." _She said in almost a whisper while she blushed. I smiled at her._

"It's ok. We can walk at your pace and don't mind me. I'm alright with that if that's where you're comfortable." _ I said with a smile._

_She stared at me for a moment but didn't argue anymore. We walked in silence for a long moment. Then I remembered that I hadn't introduced myself yet. What was happening to me? My manners were all flying out of the window. My grandmother would scold me if she saw me now._

"Um . . . I think I haven't properly introduced myself yet." _I started but she cut me off._

"I know who you are." _Then she realized that that was impolite and she quickly apologized. _

_Before I could ask how in the world she knew me, her phone rang. Its ringtone sounded familiar to me. She excused herself to answer it. I fell behind my steps to give her privacy while I was thinking where I heard that song that was assigned as her ringtone. She was finished talking to whoever that was on the other line before I could remember._

"That was my friend." _Maybe the raven-haired girl, I thought to myself. _"She's going to pick me up at the bus stop. I know it's too much but I hope you don't mind accompanying me 'til she arrives" _She said shyly with a blush. I found her blushing endearing by the minute. I chuckled at the thought._ "What's funny?" _she asked again before I could answer her first question. She seemed annoyed with my laughing._

"Nothing. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, sure. I don't mind." _Since I'm in a big trouble already, might as well do this heroic act thoroughly, I thought._

"Thank you."

"Um . . . you're ringtone." _I remembered after a while._

"Huh?" _she said, confused._

"You're ringtone, it's familiar."

"Oh. It's you." _Then she smiled. I frowned at her. _"It's your song. That's you singing.


	2. The Song

"Oh. It's you." _Then she smiled. I frowned at her. _"It's your song. That's you singing.

"Me?" _I asked, bewildered._

_Before I could react any further, she got busy with her phone again. Moments later, the silence of the night was filled with the acoustic sound of the guitar and the cool voice of a man. We both fell silent as we listened. The song was called 'Broken Strings'. It's a duet of James Morisson and Nelly Furtado._

_Let me hold you for the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again  
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything_

When I love you and so untrue  
I can't even convince myself  
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up  
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much  
I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse  
How can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, what are we doing?  
We are turning into dust  
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire  
When there's nothing left to say  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up  
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much  
I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse  
How can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before?

But we're running through the fire  
When there's nothing left to say  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When we both know it's too late, too late

You can't play our broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse  
So how can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before?  
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again . . .

_That was me singing, alright. I remembered singing it one night at the bar where I work part-time. But it's not 'my' song, well, technically not. Though I was blessed with the gift of melody, I didn't get the gift of words. Maybe the Good Lord wanted to be fair with others. So there's no way that I have a song of my own. I wonder why she thought it was my song._

"Uhm, it's not _my_ song, really." _I said after the song ended._

"I know. It's 'Broken Strings' by James Morisson featuring Nelly Furtado. You just seemed to own it by the way you sang it." _She smiled at me._

_I stared at her for a while then chuckled._

"What?"_ She demanded, a little annoyed with my laughing._

_She lips formed into an adorable pout when I said nothing._

"I seemed to own it? Who are you, Paula Abdul and Kara Gioguardi in American Idol?" _I laughed some more. When I noticed that she's really annoyed now, I stopped and apologized. But I still can't help smiling._

_She's still pouting that I wondered how her lips would feel against mine. Wait, WHAT THE HELL ? Where in the world did that come from? I shook my head to clear my mind from these perverted thoughts. My grandma would really kill me for this._

_I cleared my throat. _"What made you think that, anyway?" _I asked before any more distorted thoughts can enter my head._

_She's still not smiling but she answered anyway. _"Well, your rendition, for one, was different from the original. And the way you sang it, well, it really looked as if you're the one who wrote it. Like it really come from the heart. Like you're somewhat going through what the song is all about, well at that moment at least.

"Really?" _I said. Well, she nailed it. Something happened to me that night that made me sang that way. That made me sang, for that matter. I don't normally sing, you see, especially not in front of an audience. You can say that I have stage fright._

"Well, that's what I felt from you at that time. You can laugh to this, but I was really stunned while you were singing then that I can only stare at you and didn't notice that I was crying." _she chuckled, a little embarrassed._

"Really?" _I said again._

"Don't you have anything else to say other than 'really'?"_ she teased._

_Well, I didn't really have anything to say. She cried with my singing. Great, it's the first time I sang in front of a live audience and I made a lady cry._

"I think you did cry too while you were singing." s_he continued when I didn't answer._

"I – WHAT?" _I was really astonished that my voice raised an octave._

"Shh … you'll wake everyone." _She said with her index finger in front of her lips._

_I quickly covered my mouth and looked around. I did a quick recap of what happened that night in my head. _

_I would remember if such thing happened because that would very, as in very, embarrassing. And I don't think I could go back there again if anything like that ever occurred. Since I was still working there, it meant what she said was not true._

"I don't think I cried then." _I said slowly._

"It's tearless crying, you can say." _She said with a smile._

_I returned her smile. Her thinking was weird but cool, I had to admit._ "So, what made think that?"

"Well, for one, your voice trembled while you were singing. And I already said that I cried, right? And I was not the only one. Almost all the girls present that night shed a tear or two. It appeared that you made us cried for you." _she explained._

_It's official, she's weird but I liked it. She had a different view of things than others that I've always admired in people. Simple and easy. In my personal opinion, most people tend to focus on the complicated side of things because they don't believe that it could be that simple and easy to understand if only they would look closely. And when they couldn't, they would just drop the issue and get over it, not realizing the effect of their actions to others. I've always hated that kind of people. They're only making their lives and the lives of others miserable. Anyway …_

"Is that so? Then, I'm sorry for making you my outlet of despair." _I said with an apologetic smile._

"Are you nuts? That was the best performance I've ever seen yet in my life. I'd do anything just to see you sing like that again. Well, it's not that I want you to be heartbroken again. What I mean is I want hear you sing again from your heart. Good thing my friend recorded your act that night. I was able to get a copy of your song." _She's explaining too fast but it didn't make me miss the 'heartbroken' part._

"Heartbroken? Me?" _I asked, confused._

_She frowned at my question. _"Well, weren't you then? It's a break-up song, right?" _She said, a little confused too._

"Oh, no. I'm not." _I said._

"You're not?" _She asked again, the crease on her forehead deepened._

"No, it's about a different matter." _I said with a hint of finality in my voice. I don't want to talk about it. It's not up for discussion at the moment or anytime in the future._

_When it seemed to her that I would not say any more to the matter, she just nodded. A fleeting silence passed. When the silence couldn't be ignored anymore, we spoke at the same time. We both laughed at that._

"You first." _I said after a while._

"I just want to apologize for prying and for being so presumptuous. That's all." _She said, a little flushed._

"Nah. It's fine. I should see it coming when I decided to came up on the stage that night. So, yeah, it's cool. No harm done." _I assured her. _

_We were so into our conversation that we didn't notice that we're already at the bus stop. The bus driver asked us if we're going to ride because he's going and it's the last trip. I looked at her, a little worried. Her friend hadn't arrived yet._

"It's alright. You go on ahead. She's gonna be here any minute now." _She assured me._

"But – "

"Really, I'm gonna be fine. Oh! There she is. Now, go." _She said when a black car hit us with its headlights after turning the left corner a few yards away from where we stood._

"Are you sure it's her?" _I asked, a little anxious. Well, who could blame me, the car was really suspicious if you ask me. But she seemed very sure, so I let it go._

"Okay." _I was still reluctant to leave her._

"I'm fine. Now, go." _She said firmly this time._

_I started to climb the bus when she called me. I politely asked the driver to wait for a while and turned to her._

"By the way, My name is – " _She started to say._

"I know."_ I deliberately interrupted her just to tease her. She looked like that she didn't mind my 'rudeness' and instead smiled sweetly at me that I felt my heart skipped a beat. What was THAT?, I thought to myself._

"Well, then, thank you. And see you around." _She said instead._

"Yeah, see you around." _I waved at her as the bus started to go. She's waving back when her raven-haired friend approach her. Then, I felt a little relaxed as I sat down._

_Now, to face my hell…_

**A/N:** My dearest readers, I want to thank you for the reviews for the first chap. It helps a lot so I can continue this one. But please bear with me and be patient if I can't update right away. You see, I want to give you the best of what I have to tell so don't rush me. Many thanks again and hope to read more good reviews from you for this one. ü


	3. The Darkness

**The Darkness**

_I couldn't help smiling as the bus I was riding cut through the darkness of the night. What happened earlier was very out of the ordinary. I was not the kind of person that would approach others. I didn't care that people perceive me as a snob, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Besides, I'd decided a long time ago that keeping myself from the world was the only way I could live. Melancholic, you say. Well, we all had our moments._

_But what was weirder about the incident was that I managed to talk to a stranger for more than five minutes. You see, there's a very short list of people that I really talked to. To be exact, there're only four of them. My grandmother who died just last month, and that made my list cut down to three; my aunt who kept me when I decided to study in Florida and her daughter; and lastly, my wealthy self-appointed bestfriend from England who seemed to had nothing to do with his life and came with me to Japan when my grandma decided that she wanted to die in her own country a year ago. _

_When I got home, the lights were out. I wondered where my parents were. They're usually at home at this time._

_I entered the house and went straight to my room, without bothering to turn on any lights. Anyway, the light from the lamppost outside was enough for me to walk through the house without tumbling or breaking anything._

_Once I was inside, I just dropped my at the foot of my bed, took off my jacket and uniform and tossed them on the chair near my study table. Then I crashed myself on the bed. I feel really exhausted but a little lightheaded. Strange. Darkness usually aggravates my exhaustion making me more restless and unable to sleep. But not tonight._

_Darkness and silence. It's amazing how mere darkness and silence can resurrect people's darkest and most kept memories. Darkness and silence used to scare the hell out of me when I was younger. They were like my evil twins, born with me to cause fear and sadness. They always triggered my most terrifying nightmares and I would always wake up screaming and crying. Screams and cries that I thought then were not loud enough for my mother to hear and make her rush to my room. So I tried my best to scream louder and cry harder but still she didn't come. _

_Then, after so many times of being ignored, I guess my throat became sore, I got tired of waiting for her, for someone, for anyone, to protect me from my nightmares, to assure me that they were just that – nightmares. I got tired of being hurt of the fact that she was just in the other room but didn't bother to check up on me._

_Then, I decided that nobody would ever see me hurting again. It's not because I hate being pitied. Hell, I would take everyone's sympathy if that's the only way I could avoid the alternative. Because I knew that it would hurt me more if I was in pain and the ones that I expect to care didn't bother to. I had learned that if you appear to be strong enough then nobody would care if you're hurt. For me, it's better than being ignored. It was like going for the lesser evil._

_And as I lay there in the dark, staring at the ceiling, my memories flooded my head along with the most excruciating pain I'd always felt and known. But, it didn't touched me the way it used to. I'd already grown to the searing pain in the pit of my stomach that used to make me crumpled for fear that it would spread to my whole being and eventually kill me. Sure, my eyes still sting a bit but it didn't shed tears anymore._

Tearless crying. _It's funny that she saw through me just by listening to me sang._

_I felt vulnerable then. Normally, I would be bothered because for me vulnerability meant pain. But not this time. Maybe because I saw her own vulnerability. What was they're saying about that? Misery loves company, something like that._

_Well, whatever it was that made me feel this way, I was feeling light and good for the first time in a long time. I knew I was being rude for feeling sort of happy for someone's misfortune. But it was like I found comfort in her tears and at the same time I wanted to console her because I knew what kind of pain came with that kind of tears._

'See you around', _she'd said. I didn't want to raise my hopes of finally knowing her with that but…oh, what the hell…it's not everyday that my hopes were up. With that, I fell asleep with a smile and totally not minding the nightmares ahead._

**A/N:** I apologize for not updating right away. I just got really busy these past weeks. I hope you're all still interested with my story. I'll do my very best to update soon. You see, my mind is already at the ending of this story and I'm having trouble building the story up.ü


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